While trying to prepare myself for motherhood and thinking of the challenges I'd have a tough time with, potty training wasn't at the top of my list. Weaning from the bottle, staying in their own bed, etc, I thought would be the worst. Our 2 year old did get potty training fairly well, however it was much more challenging than I thought it would be. Not so much for her, but for me.
When your child begins potty training it is a whole new level on your demands of being a parent. You now needed to remember to ask your child "Do you have to go potty?" every hour. And even if they say no, you still had to make them sit on the potty and at least try. At first, with busy schedules as everyone has, its hard to get out of the habit of saying, "Let's just put a pull-up on." or we'll try more tomorrow. So your first step as a parent, is again re-route your schedule. Which isn't an easy move at all!
After you as parents get the potty training mind set, you now have to get you child into the idea. Plus you now have to bring 3 or more changes of clothes with you no matter where you go. The much bigger challenge is to prepare your mind that your child may have an accident and you can't embarrass them if they do. Potty training requires a great deal of patience and for other mothers like myself, patience is not my best trait.
So now how do you motivate your child to potty train. My daughter started showing interest in potty training at about a year and a half and I was over excited. Then after two weeks or so, she completely lost interest. After she turned 2 my husband and I started bringing potty training to her attention again by simply putting the potty chair in the bathroom. She showed little interest, but we just kept doing little hints. Then about 4 - 5 months later, she turned the corner. Now, as much as I'd love to, we can't take complete credit for this turn around. Our day care center is great! They work really well with the children and have helped tremendously with the potty training step.
What worked very well with our child is that day care and us at home started a chart. Every time she went potty, she got to put a sticker on the chart. After a row of 10 was completed she could get a prize. We also let her pick out the stickers for the chart which she thought was pretty cool! Our child really kicked into potty training with the start of the chart. Within a month we were going accident free during the daytime. The goal of her chart at home was no longer to complete a row, it was to cover all the white space. At home we would also give her a Popsicle when she went potty. Many give candy, but trust me even when they get it, they still want that treat, so by the time they get potty training down pat, you might end up giving more candy than you'd like.
At night we still used a pull-up. Night time was the hardest part. In the morning we would reward her for having a dry pull-up with a Popsicle. We let her pick out her own big girl underwear. After a few months, we were able to get rid of the pull-up altogether. Our little girl was ready to use big gear underwear and get rid of that pull-up. Fortunately, 2 years later, we have yet to have a night time accident. Now our son who is still under a year, I have a pretty good feeling won't be as easy as his older sister was.
Andrea
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Postpartum Grieving..A Delivery That Didn't Go As Planned
You just had a baby! You should be totally 100% in love and happy right? Think again. Sometimes your birth does not go as expected and you go through a grieving process. Sounds a little crazy at first, but it is the case for many women. I went through a grieving process after my daughter was born.
I was 22 weeks pregnant and my baby was breech. The doctors told me not to worry about it yet, but of course I knew at that point, the baby wasn't going to flip. My instincts kicked in and I just knew. At 32 weeks pregnant they still told me I had time for the baby to flip. That sinking feeling in my gut was getting stronger. I knew my baby wouldn’t turn. Some small part of me believed that if I tried hard enough and prayed hard enough that maybe my baby would. I tried everything to flip her, from holding a flashlight on my belly, to doing handstands in the pool to putting headphones on my stomach. Nothing worked. I went into labor shortly after 37 weeks and delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl via c-section.
It sounds like things weren't bad right? I should have been happy that my baby was delivered safely and that she was healthy. The problem is that the entire time I was pregnant and even before I was pregnant, I was hoping for a medication-free natural delivery. I felt like it was something, as a woman, that my body should have been able to do. I went through a grieving process getting used to the idea that my birth was not how I had always imagined it. I was saddened at the idea that my husband did not get to participate the way he wanted and that he didn't get to cut the cord. There were a lot of things that I had set in my mind that would happen that didn't, and there was a part of me that was crushed because of it. Shortly after my daughter was born, I was fine, but the coming weeks I felt ashamed and disappointed. I had to go through a grieving process to let go of what I thought should have happened.
I thought I was crazy being so upset about how things happened. I didn't even talk to my husband because he just kept saying "all that matters is that you and the baby came out of it healthy". Finally I talked to some girls in an online forum I belong to and learned that I was not alone. Many women went through the same feelings and post birth grieving process for different reasons. Some just imagined that the delivery would go a different way, some were traumatized by what had happened, and some just had a bad experience. There were even some women who were just like me, and some women who thought that their baby would come out and they would automatically fall in love. Sometimes that is not the case, and there is nothing wrong with that. Many of us just have to go through a post birth grieving process to get over what had disappointed us or what had gone a different way that we had imagined. Sometimes when you have a vivid idea of what is going to happen, and it doesn't happen that way, it is a huge let down.
Through the grieving process I learned that having a c-section does not make me less of a woman than a woman who delivered vaginally. THAT was my issue. I felt like less of a woman. My grief went deeper than just being sad about a c-section. It also helped me greatly to talk about it. Some people don't understand so don't be surprised if you get some weird looks or strange comments. Find a support group online or in person and talk about it. It is okay to feel sad about your birth and the way it happened.
Regardless it is completely normal to go through, though it isn't talked about often. It could however, be a sign of postpartum depression if it doesn't get better after two weeks post partum.
My best advice is to throw out the step-by-step detailed birth plan and allow yourself the flexibility to take it as it comes. If you don’t want to eliminate a birth plan, just be aware that there may be bumps in the road and things could change. Of course make sure that anything you have strong feelings about is understood and known by your partner and your doctor/midwife/doula etc. Try to enjoy your birth for what it is and talk about it if it makes you sad.
Sara
I was 22 weeks pregnant and my baby was breech. The doctors told me not to worry about it yet, but of course I knew at that point, the baby wasn't going to flip. My instincts kicked in and I just knew. At 32 weeks pregnant they still told me I had time for the baby to flip. That sinking feeling in my gut was getting stronger. I knew my baby wouldn’t turn. Some small part of me believed that if I tried hard enough and prayed hard enough that maybe my baby would. I tried everything to flip her, from holding a flashlight on my belly, to doing handstands in the pool to putting headphones on my stomach. Nothing worked. I went into labor shortly after 37 weeks and delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl via c-section.
It sounds like things weren't bad right? I should have been happy that my baby was delivered safely and that she was healthy. The problem is that the entire time I was pregnant and even before I was pregnant, I was hoping for a medication-free natural delivery. I felt like it was something, as a woman, that my body should have been able to do. I went through a grieving process getting used to the idea that my birth was not how I had always imagined it. I was saddened at the idea that my husband did not get to participate the way he wanted and that he didn't get to cut the cord. There were a lot of things that I had set in my mind that would happen that didn't, and there was a part of me that was crushed because of it. Shortly after my daughter was born, I was fine, but the coming weeks I felt ashamed and disappointed. I had to go through a grieving process to let go of what I thought should have happened.
I thought I was crazy being so upset about how things happened. I didn't even talk to my husband because he just kept saying "all that matters is that you and the baby came out of it healthy". Finally I talked to some girls in an online forum I belong to and learned that I was not alone. Many women went through the same feelings and post birth grieving process for different reasons. Some just imagined that the delivery would go a different way, some were traumatized by what had happened, and some just had a bad experience. There were even some women who were just like me, and some women who thought that their baby would come out and they would automatically fall in love. Sometimes that is not the case, and there is nothing wrong with that. Many of us just have to go through a post birth grieving process to get over what had disappointed us or what had gone a different way that we had imagined. Sometimes when you have a vivid idea of what is going to happen, and it doesn't happen that way, it is a huge let down.
Through the grieving process I learned that having a c-section does not make me less of a woman than a woman who delivered vaginally. THAT was my issue. I felt like less of a woman. My grief went deeper than just being sad about a c-section. It also helped me greatly to talk about it. Some people don't understand so don't be surprised if you get some weird looks or strange comments. Find a support group online or in person and talk about it. It is okay to feel sad about your birth and the way it happened.
Regardless it is completely normal to go through, though it isn't talked about often. It could however, be a sign of postpartum depression if it doesn't get better after two weeks post partum.
My best advice is to throw out the step-by-step detailed birth plan and allow yourself the flexibility to take it as it comes. If you don’t want to eliminate a birth plan, just be aware that there may be bumps in the road and things could change. Of course make sure that anything you have strong feelings about is understood and known by your partner and your doctor/midwife/doula etc. Try to enjoy your birth for what it is and talk about it if it makes you sad.
Sara
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