Things Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman

During the course of my two pregnancies, I have heard a lot of bizarre things. Some things have been said to me and others have been said to friends of mine. Regardless, I am learning that some people either forget to think before they speak, or don't realize how offensive what they say can come off.

Below are 10 things not to say to a pregnant woman.

1. Were you trying to get pregnant? Was this planned? etc. - These comments, no matter how they are said, can come off as rude or inappropriate.

2. So you are done after this baby right? - No, actually we are trying to keep up with the Duggars. This can come off like you think the couple shouldn't have anymore children. Whether you think that or not, you really shouldn't say anything.

3. You look huge - This can come off a lot differently than you mean. Try something along the lines of "your belly is getting bigger" instead. When anyone tells me that I look huge, I don't feel even remotely good about myself.

4. You look tired - I want to be such a snot when people say this to me, but I know they mean well. I am busy growing a baby and doing everything I did when I wasn't growing a baby...Yes, I am tired, but no, I don't want to look it.

5. Enjoy (fill in the blank) now, because you can't do it once that baby comes - I find this statement to be untrue most of the time. You learn to adjust and don't make the mother-to-be feel like she doesn't know anything.

6. You should get an induction - There are so many things wrong with this statement, I don't know where to start. The first time I heard this I think I just about choked.

7. It's silly to go through labor without drugs - Every woman has her own idea of how she wants her birth to go. It is not for anyone else to criticize whether she chooses to go natural or not. Props to the women who can do it the way mother nature intended!

8. A c-section is the easy way out - Not even close. The recovery for a C-section compared to a vaginal birth is typically much longer and harder. A C-section is major surgery, and too many people forget that.

9. Horror stories about your personal birth, unless she asks - The last thing a mother-to-be needs to hear is an unwanted horror story about your birth that sends her blood pressure through the roof. If she asks, go ahead and share, but if she doesn't, keep it to yourself.

10. Don't do (fill in the blank) or you shouldn't (fill in the blank) - By this I am referring to those silly comments about not doing basic things because you are pregnant. Pregnancy is not a disability or a "condition" it is simply a different stage of life. So yes, I can make the bed and carry the groceries without a problem.

Keep in mind that these are general things not to say to a pregnant woman. Depending on your relationship with the mother-to-be, she could be fine with you asking or saying some of these things.

Why Due Dates Are Damaging

Lately I have been asked a lot when my due date is. I usually respond with "January". Sometimes I get a strange look followed by, but what day are you due? I don't like to answer this question, due date is just a number...and a guess at that. I hope this baby comes in January, but he or she will come when he or she is good and ready and I am at peace with that

Here is my thought on due dates....they are silly, they create expectations and sometimes they are damaging and even dangerous. . Think about this...there are billions of women in the world. We don't eat the same diet, exercise the same, or think the same . Nor are we the same size, have the same body types, or genetics. Taking all of this into consideration, how can it make sense that we would all carry our babies to exactly 40 weeks? With only approximately 4% of women delivering on their due dates, I am surprised that we haven't come up with a better means of telling women when we think their babies will come. How about a range of due dates or a due time period? I know it sounds silly, but my concerns are valid.

I am particularly bothered by a few things with due dates. The first being non-medically necessary inductions. Doctors go off of a due date when they plan inductions or allow pregnant moms to schedule them. I don't agree with scheduled inductions unless medically necessary, but that is a whole separate topic. If a doctor is off on the due date by a couple weeks (which does happen) and the mother is induced early, she could be delivering a baby who is not yet ready to be out of the womb. Then comes an increased risk for health problems for the baby, and possibly some NICU time.

My other issue with due dates is that women get anxious as their due date approaches and often times frustrated when it passes. This, again can prompt doctors or mothers to induce labor, which is often not the best for mom or baby. I know so many women who get close to their due date and almost seem panicked that the baby isn't there yet. Then you see the women trying all kinds of crazy things (that are sometimes dangerous) to get that baby to come out. I never understood that....a woman's body and her baby almost always know the right time to deliver and none of those crazy things will make the body or the baby ready. I think the anxiety of the mother waiting for her baby to come and the stress of the baby not coming when she is "supposed to" is not healthy for mother or her baby.

Expectation based on a due date can lead to dangerous intervention or disappointment and frustration of the mother. This doesn't apply to all women in all cases, but it seems to be a growing trend.