What I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Pregnancy: Not Everyone Cares

Being pregnant is such an exciting time, especially for first-time moms! You anxiously await a growing belly to show in all its glory and you pray to feel that baby move as soon as possible. It is an experience that often goes too fast and you look back wishing you had savored it.

The holidays always entail exciting news at my age. Every year I hear at least a few pregnancy announcements. It got me thinking, even though I am always excited to hear of a pregnancy, not everyone is. It brought back memories of my first pregnancy when I had to learn that even though I was over the moon about being pregnant, not everyone feels that way about it. Not everyone is as excited about your pregnancy as you are, and not everyone who is, shows it.

I wish someone would have told me that with my first. It always stung a little when people didn't get up out of their chair excited, like how I was feeling inside. It was disappointing. The second time around it didn't sting nearly as badly. I learned that myself and my husband were the only two that needed to be excited. Just a word to the wise for new moms, though you may be jumping for joy about your growing bundle, try not to be disappointed when not everyone feels the same.

Birth Does Not Have to Hurt!

Reflecting on a conversation I had with a woman I barely knew, I remember that when I told her I birthed my son naturally (no drugs, pit, etc) she told me I was f*ing nuts and asked "didn't it hurt?". I wanted to say, the assumption that it hurts is f*ing nuts, but I held back. An episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta recently featured Kim talking about natural delivery and commented that women who deliver naturally are dumbasses. Kim, I disagree, and I don't think you are a dumbass for taking drugs. You just chose a different route than I did.

While labor did not feel "good" per se, the actual birth did not hurt at all for me. I did some Hypnobirthing techniques and I will chalk it up to those that made the actual birth pain free for me. I will go ahead and give a shout out to mother nature too. When a baby is delivered, the pressure can be so intense sometimes that you don't feel "pain" from the baby being delivered. Not to mention, your body produces these amazing super drugs called endorphines that help to mask the pain and get you through delivery.

Yes, some women experience pain during delivery, but to assume everyone does is silly. Ever heard of orgasmic birth? Those women don't seem to be complaining!

What was your delivery like? Did you feel it? Was it "painful",orgasmic, or other?

Birth Competition, Birth Jealousy, Birth Envy

This morning I was reading this article, "Incredible Birth Photo Brings Out the Worst in Jealous Moms" from Christie Haskell on Cafe Mom. The comments to the article got me thinking. I get what Christie was trying to say though I don't entirely agree with how she worded everything. Regardless, she had a point. Why is it that birth seems to be a competition?

First, I will say that I am a huge supporter of natural births (meaning no drugs and as little intervention as possible) and home births. I would love to have a home birth, but have not had one yet. My first birth was a cocktail of drugs during a c-section due to a breech baby and my second was an unmedicated hospital birth. If I have a third, I would really like to experience a home birth. With that said, I do admit I feel a little envious of women who get to experience what I would like to experience myself. It isn't a malicious envy. If anything, it is an inspiration and a reminder that women can do it, and hopefully some day I can too!

Now back to the competition conversation. Why does it feel like a a competition sometimes? I hear women talk about birth stories and compare and contrast, which I love. I am a self-proclaimed birth junkie. However,I find that I hear a lot of "Mine was worse than yours" type of conversations. Obviously no one comes out and says that, but why are we trying to one-up each other when it comes to birth???? Especially since we tend to focus on the negative.

I hear so many stories where it feels like the next woman to tell the story is trying to describe how much harder/worse/more intense hers was. Bottom line, I think you need to experience birth in your own way. If you want an epidural, and that makes your experience better, go for it! If you want to take narcotic drugs, who am I to tell you not to? If you want to deliver in your bed at home, rock-on!

When I reflect on my birth experience, I think about how wonderful it was. I will admit that it didn't feel "good" necessarily, but I am extremely proud of my body and I don't think it was this blood and gore horror story that some women make it out to be. Even my c-section wasn't as bad as I thought it would be (though I would never want one again). I look back on my birth and think very positively of the experience.

My husband has made comments about other women's birth choices when he hears birth stories. He doesn't understand why a woman needs drugs since I did it without and didn't scream or yell or shout. He has made comments that woman are being dramatic when they scream and yell. Many times I have to bring him back to the realization that I deal with pain differently than other people,and since I am all he has to compare it to, that he needs to know that I may not be the norm. If you have to scream to get through labor and delivery, that is just your way of getting through it. It doesn't make you less of a woman than me, and it doens't mean my birth was better.

Instead of judging each other's decisions, or one-upping each other, we should be supporting one another and showing women that birth is not this horrible, painful experience that media makes it out to be. I completely understand that there are occasions when birth can feel like a nightmare, I have heard the horror stories, but more often than not, I know it can be a beautiful empowering experience. Let's empower each other to have the birth that is right for each of us, even if it isn't like our own. Do you feel like birth is a competition?